


My Poison of Choice

by Crazyheart



Series: Temptations [1]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany), Skam (Druck)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Boys Kissing, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Kissing, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Pining, Shotgunning, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-05 13:18:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14045079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazyheart/pseuds/Crazyheart
Summary: Matteo has an intoxicating crush on his best friend, Jonas. They have a smoke. Jonas wants to try shotgunning.This fic is translated in Russianhere. Awesome, right? :)





	My Poison of Choice

**Author's Note:**

> So I have officially fallen in love with Druck, the German version of Skam. Well, I'm crushing, anyway. The chemistry between Jonas and Matteo in the first clip was something special, so I just had to write something. Here it is. It has been sitting in my drawer a little and I had to make Matteo a little more sassy than when I first started to write it. But it is what it is.
> 
> I hope you like it! :D
> 
> Thank you [@arindwell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arindwell/pseuds/arindwell) for your support, and thank you [@twoenns](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twoenns/pseuds/twoenns) for beta reading!
> 
> And everyone else, your feedback means everything to me. If you read this, and like it, please leave me a comment!

                           

                                      

Matteo knows that Jonas is off limits. Jonas is with Hanna, after all. He’s taken. _Forbidden_. Matteo’s just not convinced that he cares about that fact.

Who cares about stupid rules, anyway? Matteo follows rules when they seem reasonable and they fit him. When they don’t, he doubts why he should.

Matteo seriously doubts that Hanna is right for Jonas. She’s cool and sweet, but she has a trust issue and she really is a little clingy. Jonas could do so much better.

Of course, Matteo knows very well why he’s so sceptical of Hanna. He wants Jonas to himself. He can’t help it. Jonas is most likely straight as a ruler, but Matteo still can’t help but feel the air get heavy every time Jonas is close. Every time Jonas looks at Matteo with his familiar brown eyes and smiles, there’s a pull. Like… a need for a cigarette. Something you shouldn’t want, but still crave. «My poison of choice», as Jonas uses to call his cigarettes.

Well, Jonas is kinda like some intoxicating poison to Matteo, that’s for sure. Whether he’s a poison of choice or not, remains to be seen.

Jonas is everything, though. Jonas is kind and so funny, and smart, and he always knows how to make Matteo laugh, or how to make Matteo feel better if he has a bad day. Jonas is hot, too, and he sings like a fucking god. To be honest, Matteo doesn’t quite know how he ever deserved to get a friend like Jonas. Matteo knows that he’s a little mischievous shit. Yeah, he’s cute, smart, and pretty funny, but he still doubts that he deserves Jonas’ kindness.

Matteo is hooked, anyway. Since he met Jonas as a kid and they played together every day, he has been slowly falling deeper and deeper to the point where he feels like he’s just... drowning in it.

Because he does feel like he’s drowning. Sometimes his head is above water and he can smile and breathe because Jonas is there, next to him. And Jonas is smiling and asking how he did in the German homework, or if he’s heard the last album by some obscure band, or if he wants to join him for a smoke or a round of video games. And Jonas is close, and Matteo burns in the heat from his warm hugs, his quick banter or laughter. But then before Matteo’s smile has faded, Jonas is looking up, over at Hanna. He smiles, too, but it’s not for Matteo. Not all the time, anyway. Sometimes when Jonas smiles at Matteo, it’s difficult to see if it’s the same way as when Matteo smiles at him.

So Matteo’s both burning and sinking into the black water, choking on the sight of Jonas holding Hanna tight and kissing her and forgetting Matteo’s even there at all. Matteo feels his stomach churn every time he watches Jonas and Hanna kiss, and he knows he shouldn’t feel like this, but he can’t help it. He is drowning and burning at the same time and he’s internally begging to be _seen_ . _Touched_ . _Kissed_.

Since he can’t make that happen at the moment, he tries to at least make Jonas laugh. He loves Jonas’ laugh. Fuck, all the stupid things he has done, and all the weird jokes he has told, just to hear that sound...

He wonders if anyone knows. If Jonas knows. Matteo is good at hiding a lot of things, but sometimes he doubts that he’s good at hiding what he feels for Jonas. He tries, but his face and his actions betray him. He can’t help giving Jonas these warm hugs or lingering looks.

Of course, he knows Jonas is off limits. Lingering looks is all he gets. So he tries to forget it all as he watches stupid shows, reads, plays games, or… well… He has to admit that he has tried to get the infatuation out of his system by watching gay porn and jacking off to it, more than once. He’s done it a lot, actually. It hasn’t exactly helped. Instead, now it’s like the images of Jonas mix with the pornographic images and the images of Jonas and Hanna kissing, and it just... messes him up even more.

He likes it when it’s just the two of them though, when it’s only Jonas and Matteo. He loves the silly moments when they bicker and banter and everything is fun. He loves the quiet moments when they’ve just finished a video game or watched a show and everything is chill. Well, mostly. The air is still heavy and the water is pulling him down.

Like right now. They're lying on Jonas' bed side by side, legs dangling off the side. It’s quiet. Jonas’ knee is bumping into Matteo’s from time to time, and it sends sparks up his leg and to his groin and stomach.

– You want to smoke? Jonas asks, out of thin air.

Matteo knows that Jonas isn’t talking about regular cigarettes. – Yeah, he says, because he really needs something to ease his mind a little. Jonas is way too close. Matteo can see the details of his eyelashes. He swallows convulsively and tries to ignore the heat radiating off Jonas, and his faint smell. He grins and throws out a joke to hide his confusion. – Well, it depends. Are you trying to get me high so you can take advantage of me?

Jonas snorts a laugh, although he meets Matteo’s eyes for a moment. – Yeah, little one, you know I’m a bad boy like that. I’ll find the stuff.

Matteo chuckles. – Just as long as you don’t try to seduce me, bad boy.

Jonas shakes his head and gets up, leaving Matteo with a mixed feeling of relief and disappointment. Jonas is digging through a drawer full of pencils, phone chargers and other random crap, and finally pulls out a blunt. He smiles and locks his door, Matteo gets up and helps him open the window. Jonas’ parents are liberal, but not so liberal that they would tolerate weed smoking in their house.

The air is warm, and still heavy. Matteo stands there for a moment, looking out, thinking how the air is always heavy with Jonas, how it feels like he’s drowning, and burning, and how he feels the need to bury these feelings deep into the ground. Hide it. Throw dirt over it.

 

Jonas lights up the blunt and lies back down on his bed, taking the first drag before passing it over to Matteo. Matteo lies down next to him, and for a while, they smoke in silence. Matteo feels the bliss through his veins, making him dizzy.

He wants to tell Jonas about a book he read, and this new band he heard the other day, but his mind is slow and he just can’t find the energy. Just lying here is enough. They face each other whenever they exchange the blunt. Matteo feels fire skate through him when he takes it and his fingers casually brush over Jonas’. It’s the most amazing feeling, so Matteo makes sure to make the most of it, leaving lingering, tingling touches every time the blunt changes hands. He still feels the heat from Jonas’ body.

Maybe it’s the weed, but it’s getting quieter and quieter and the air is getting more and more heavy and thick around them. Matteo has turned on his side now, resting on his arm. He keeps staring, unable to help himself. Jonas’ brown curls are so tempting to touch, and his lips look so soft. Jonas has to be the most beautiful boy alive and he is lying next to Matteo, getting high as fuck, unaware of the feelings awakening in his best friend.

– I have always wanted to shotgun with Hanna, Jonas says into the heavy silence. – but, you know, she doesn’t really approve.

Matteo doesn’t know what to say. – Mmmmm, he ends up humming.

 

– I think it'd be hot, Jonas goes on, and Matteo makes another vague noise. Because, _fuck_. Yeah, it’d be hot.

Right now he’s not imagining Jonas and Hanna shotgunning, though.

Matteo knows he should stay away. He knows that Jonas has Hanna, and that he’s off limits, and Jonas is like nicotine, or a poison that Matteo should stay away from. He knows that. But he’s weak, the air is heavy, and the water pulls him and the heat burns and in the end, he can’t stop himself. – Uhm. Blunt is about to die, so. Wanna try it?

Jonas stares at him. His brown eyes suddenly look deeper. Then he smiles. – Yeah, sure.

– Cool.

– So… how do we do it? Jonas asks. His eyes are big and wide, and his regular coolness is gone. He looks fucking wrecked and Matteo has no idea what to do with him. He wants to kiss the tip of Jonas’ nose, his eyebrows, his moles. He wants to feel his hips, feel those strong hands on his waist, his chest, his balls.

Matteo’s never been so turned on by someone before. It makes his voice hoarse and low when he murmurs, – I guess we’ll figure it out? I can take the smoke first. You breathe in when I breathe out, he tells him. – Easy peasy.

Jonas looks fully concentrated as he nods gamely.

Matteo takes a heavy hit of the blunt and stubs it out before he leans over Jonas and reaches for him. Jonas is warm and pliant and seems to float towards him as he pulls him close. Jonas looks him in the eyes as Matteo breathes the smoke into his mouth. Jonas’ eyelashes are long and they look soft. His skin is smooth and he’s warm and they share air for a half-second, Jonas already looking blissed out. However, Jonas has no idea how close Matteo comes to closing that last inch of distance between them and kissing him. He has _no idea_. Jonas’s lips are so close, and Matteo can feel the heat from them, and he craves them more than air.

Matteo is just about to lean back –

 

But then Jonas –  

Jonas breathes the smoke back out and looks back at him, and there’s a strange light in his dark eyes as the tension rises between them –  

Jonas looks dazed. – Fuck, they’re blue, he mutters. – Your eyes.

And Matteo’s breath hitches. Because there’s something almost heated in the way Jonas looks at him. Matteo doesn’t know what possesses him in that moment; maybe it’s the weed, maybe it’s just a much braver version of himself responding to the lazy challenge in Jonas’ dark brown eyes. But before Matteo can get a grip and remind himself of everything that could go wrong, he is moving, leaning over to cradle Jonas’ face and press his lips against the sweet heat of Jonas’ mouth.

Jonas makes an ‘mmph’ sound and the smoke gets caught between them and Matteo can tell Jonas wants to cough but he manfully resists. For a second, there is no response, Jonas is just lying there, probably too shocked by the unexpected to move. Just when Matteo is about to pull back and say that he’s sorry, Jonas’ lips part and he welcomes Matteo in. His mouth is so warm and wet, and the caress of his lips and tongue softer than Matteo could have imagined. _Fuck_ , Jonas is a good kisser. Matteo doesn’t hesitate, plunging his tongue against Jonas’ and pressing his body even closer. Jonas shivers when Matteo’s hand trails from his waist, up his back, stopping only to grip the back of his neck and pull him closer.

Matteo is hard as a rock now, and he fights the lust to push his boner into Jonas’ hip. Jonas’ hands pull at Matteo’s shirt and grab his shoulders. Jonas and Matteo groan together, the kiss getting deeper and more frantic as Matteo pushes closer and closer, desperate to be on Jonas. He slips a warm hand up Jonas’ sweater, making Jonas shiver and moan under him. Matteo can feel Jonas’ boner against his stomach, and it makes him dizzy with an intoxicating feeling of power.

But then Jonas pulls away, breathing heavily and staring at Matteo with wide eyes, and Matteo can’t breathe at all anymore. _Fuck, fuck, fuck…_ He has gone too far and Jonas backs away, flushed and panting.

 _Fuck_. Matteo knows he has fucked up. – I’m sorry, he breathes, – I  didn’t mean to…

Jonas stares at him with wide eyes, still breathing heavily. He blushes red. – No, no, it’s cool, Matteo, it’s just… Hanna. I can’t do this... again. Like with Leonie… I just can’t.

 _Yeah, of course. Hanna_.

Jonas, of course, has to grow a conscience right now. Because, of course, it’s Hanna he loves the most. Matteo should know that by now. He releases a deep breath. It’s about time he accepts it. _It’s just how it is._ He and Jonas are just friends, and that’s it.

– I know, he says, in a hoarse voice. – I know.

He is drowning. Choking on the heavy air. And burning, too. His craving for Jonas is running through his veins like a need for nicotine. Like a need for his poison of choice. And Jonas can’t save him. But Matteo says nothing more about it, he buries it all into the earth, and he’s breathing fine because it’s not really like that.

 _So what_ if he loves his straight best friend, who loves his girlfriend? He’ll get over it. Or, at least, he’ll live.

Matteo can’t stay for long, though. Normally, he can be cocky, and funny, and it’s no problem, but not right now. He leaves Jonas’ house as quickly as he can, muttering that he has something he needs to do.

It’s dark outside when Matteo walks home. He tells himself that what he feels about Jonas right now doesn’t really matter, anyway, not in the long run.

 

He’ll get over it.

He can’t quit Jonas like he can quit smoking. But he can put some distance between them, and see if it helps. Things will probably be a little weird between them for a while. Jonas will have questions, and Matteo will have to answer some of them. The crush won’t disappear at once. Matteo will probably keep spending nights awake brooding for Jonas, and he will keep doing stupid things to protect him, and he’ll keep worrying if Hanna is good enough for him. But it will fade. Someday.

Maybe he will find someone else one day, too. Someone who’s kind, funny and smart like Jonas, but who can _see_ Matteo. Someone who can _see_ him and _choose_ him and _love_ him the most.

One day.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so glad you read this! :D I would love it if you leave me a comment if you like it or not! :) You can find me on Tumblr as [@hjertetssunnegalskap1](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hjertetssunnegalskap1) and on Insta as [@hjertetssunnegalskap](https://www.instagram.com/hjertetssunnegalskap).


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